How Firm a Foundation -We Never Sing the Best Verses (Part 3 of 7)

Part 3 of 7

When I was very young, I remember being underwater in a pool too deep for me. I believe I was visiting my Aunt and ventured into the wrong end of the pool and learned quickly about another cliché; I was way over my head.  My memory of the helplessness permanently etched itself into my mind's eye.  The loss of control and the immediate doom is poignant whenever I recall the incident.  The memory is like a moment of a video forever on pause.  There is something about trauma that makes the shortest time feel like an eternity. And the danger left me feeling like I was completely alone.

It was probably only seconds after I went under one of the adults watching us pulled me to safety.  I had been in danger and ventured somewhere I shouldn’t, but I was never alone. Sometimes we think we are alone when we are not.  We let ourselves sink into a selfish swamp of loneliness. 

Isaiah inspired the author of How Firm a Foundation, whoever it is.

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

--Isaiah 41:10

Isaiah inspired the author of How Firm a Foundation, whoever it is.

There is a cliché; two is better than one, which comes directly from the King James Bible.

Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.  For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.

--Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

In the fall of 2011, my employment was subpar and then non-existent, and my opportunities seemed dim.  Because of my employment status, our family finances were strained to their limits and beyond.

After a while of unemployment, I found an opportunity, but it took me away to upstate New York for three months.  I needed the work and was deep anxiety and loneliness as I left home.

One Saturday, I decided to take a drive to Palmyra, NY, the Prophet Joseph Smith's former home.  It was only about 2 hours from where I was staying in Rome, NY.  I was smart enough to write down what happened in my journal that evening; I will not share everything, only highlights from that entry.   The following, in italics, are quotes directly from my journal:

The sacred grove was very much like I expected it. The grounds are hallowed, and the mood is quiet and reverent. The day had rained on and off and was mostly overcast. I tried to take advantage of any light that came to get some pictures of the beautiful fall colors. The pictures I took, I'm afraid, do not capture the beauty of the experience. After wandering as far into the grove as I could while remaining on the paths… I made sure I was alone.   I felt like I should take this time in this sacred...And I felt like I was in a similar place as the celestial room at the temple. It had almost the same feel and sacredness.  I realized why I had been drawn to visit in lieu of visiting the temple.

After what felt like hours but was probably only minutes, I remember feeling that I needed to get going, and as I began to speak the words to close my prayer, I felt restrained.  I felt like my prayer was to remain open.

After exiting the grove, I intended to get back on I-90 and return to my flat. However, I realized I had additional time, so I decided to go to Palmyra and see the EB Grandin Store, where the Book of Mormon was published. Elder Nelson, a senior missionary there, greeted me. I told him I had about a half-hour, and he said there was no one else there because of the rain, so if I didn’t mind, he would personally take me on the "half-hour" tour... At the end of the tour, we stood in a room which contained several artistic renditions of stories from the Book of Mormon. He then bore his testimony to me in such a sweet and kind way that the Book of Mormon was true. My heart was full, and I could barely contain my emotions as he challenged me to share with others the feelings I had experienced. I was surprised how much his testimony affected me.  Elder Nelson’s testimony strengthened mine, not just strengthened, enlarged.

I returned to my car and realized I felt uplifted beyond what I expected and was overwhelmed with the love of God. I then felt there was more in store for me; I couldn’t fathom what that would be. I decided to do something I never do, and I didn’t close my prayer; I left it open. 

If you leave now, you can make it to the Adult Session of Stake Conference, I thought.  It wasn’t my stake conference, and I hadn’t been planning on attending the Saturday session, only Sunday.

I drove the 2 hours and made it just before the Saturday evening session began.  I was pleased to discover that several general authorities were there due to the stake reorganization, including an apostle, Elder David A. Bednar.

The theme of the evening was What Think Ye of Christ.  All of the talks were wonderful; the Spirit was strong. But Elder Bednar’s was incredibly enlightening to me, especially when talking about our struggles in life. He referenced Nephi, Chapter 7. 

But it came to pass that I prayed unto the Lord, saying: O Lord, according to my faith which is in thee, wilt thou deliver me from the hands of my brethren; yea, even give me strength that I may burst these bands with which I am bound.

--1 Nephi 7:17

He said that elsewhere in the scriptures, it tells us Christ will make our burdens light. But he often does that by strengthening us to be able to lift more. I pondered what I was going through, and it added additional light to my situation. It was a very spiritual meeting.

The prayer, earlier in the sacred grove, had uplifted me. The testimony of the attending missionary renewed my own. I now understood the atoneoment of Christ more clearly as it pertained to me, but I remember wondering if my prayer was over yet. What Elder Bednar did next was an answer to my question, and it felt as if he did it only for me.

As the closing hymn was about to begin, he rose, returned to the pulpit, and announced to the apparent chagrin of the organist that he would be changing the closing hymn to How Firm a Foundation, instructing us to pay close attention to the lyrics.

We started singing, and like usual, I sang the bass part.  All was normal until the third verse.

Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed,

For I am thy God and will still give thee aid.

I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,

Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.

And I guess I had been feeling more alone than I realized because waves of emotion came streaming out of me.  I could sing no longer because of the tears, my heart burst out of my chest, and I just kept following along with the text as best as I could through my watery eyes.  Overcome with joy, emotion, and the love of my Savior, I could do little as the congregation sang.

When through the deep waters I call thee to go,

The rivers of sorrow shall not thee o'erflow,

For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,

And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

The people around me must have been dumbfounded at what I was going through.  I was this unknown brother standing there with my heart gaping open.  (I am not a quiet crier)

When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,

My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply.

The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design

Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.

The last verse was particularly moving.

The soul that on Jesus has leaned for repose,

I will not, I will not desert to its foes;

That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,

I’ll never, no never, no never forsake.

I am not forsaken.

As I returned to the little cottage, I was exhausted; exhausted, yet renewed. 

I continued to miss home, but my soul was unburdened compared to previous days.  I had a new outlook on the experience and began to see ways that being in Utica would help me professionally and spiritually. 

Professionally speaking, working in New York opened new opportunities, and the experience didn’t just save us in the short term but also in the long term.   I used the time away to begin a sorely needed bachelor’s degree. My wife and I spoke every night on the phone and somehow found that we could be close even though the miles separated us; when I returned, our love and friendship were multiplied. 

And I learned something else.  The following is the last thing I wrote before I closed my day-long prayer:

From the sacred grove to the testimonies of servants of God and the overwhelming testimony of the Spirit, I know I am not alone. I have his constant guidance, direction, and companionship.

I am His Son.

You see, just like when I was a wayward young swimmer, I was not as alone.  Two is better than one is true. However, when one is the Savior, better becomes supreme:

Fear not, I am with thee, O be not dismayed,

For I am thy God and will still give thee aid;

I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand

Upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand.